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WHEN TO START?

I suggest planning 6 weeks prior to the party. This much time isn't absolutely necessary, but it enables you to pull the party together at a relaxed pace.
Plus, I hate to shop and planning this far ahead allows me to purchase party supplies as part of my regular shopping trips, instead of having to run all over town at the last minute. See the Printable Check List.

However, there are some people who seem to thrive under pressure. Year-after-year, I receive a call from the same frenzied Mom inviting my son to a party "this weekend". This isn't my style, but the party usually turns out fine and the kids don't know or care that it was a last minute deal.


The biggest risk with waiting until the last minute is that some of your child's friends may not be able to attend due to other commitments. I know one family who sent the invitations out a few days before the party and didn't request RSVPs. Only one child showed up for the party, so they put the ice cream cake back in the freezer and rescheduled the party for a month later.
Even if you like to have plenty of time, there are times when you won't have control of this and will need to pull a party together in just a couple days. Like when your child's soccer team decides one week before the last game to have an end-of-season party. Or when your child's teacher doesn't get enough volunteers to help with a school party and asks you to pick up the slack.

CHOOSING A THEME

A good party theme unifies the party and provides the framework from which the rest of the planning process flows. Decisions about what kind of invitations, activities, decorations, and food become much clearer once the theme is selected.

If you're having a party to celebrate Halloween, Graduation, or a successful Soccer season, the theme is pretty much implied by the occasion. If the occasion is your child's birthday party, then you and your child are free to pick a theme that suits your child's interests and personality. Check these recipes out to help you with your theme!

WHEN?

To me the biggest factor in selecting a party date and time is determining when the largest number of my son's good friends can attend.
It's pretty difficult, but not impossible, to have weekday parties during the school year due to after school activities, homework, and busy parents' work schedules.

I've had good luck with both mid-day Saturday and Sunday parties. I use to think Saturday was the best day to have a party, so I'd have Sunday to relax and recover! However, I now prefer Sunday afternoon parties because they don't usually conflict with sports activities and I have all day Saturday to prepare. Sunday parties need to be held at noon or later to reduce conflicts with church activities.
When planning a party check the proposed date and time with "key" friends before committing to the party time (before preparing the invitations or making any reservations). It's better to select another date than to have your child be disappointed because his best friend can't attend.

Many younger children seem to be more pleasant in the morning and get fussier in the afternoon/evening, so a morning party may be good for young children. Just make sure to end the party well before the pre-nap-time-fussies begin

When selecting a party time, another thing to consider is what level of refreshments you want to provide. If you don't want to provide a full meal, then you really need to start the party at least an hour after standard meal times and end the party an hour before standard meal times. Basically, if you have a party anytime between 11 am-1 pm or 4-6 pm, you need to provide a meal. Outside these times you can provide snacks.

When the occasion is a child's birthday, I believe on having some kind of celebration on the child's actual birthday. This can be a simple family celebration with cake after dinner followed by the opening of family presents. If your child's birthday is during the school year, ask the teacher if it's OK to bring special treats to school for the class on your child's birthday or the next school day if your child's birthday falls on the weekend.

Plan the birthday celebration with your child's friend for the weekend closest to your child's birthday, unless there is some big conflict. However, I know families who move their child's birthday celebration by several weeks to avoid busy holiday times, such as Christmas. I even know families who wait until Fall to celebrate their child's summer birthdays, so new classmates can be included in the celebration.

WHERE?

My favorite party locations are at home and local parks. I'm fortunate to live in the back house on a flag lot, so my house is off the street and I have a long driveway that is great for setting up games, craft tables, etc.
Some advantages to having a party at home include having plenty of time to set-up (you can start the day before), having all your supplies close at hand, and having the party in an environment your child is comfortable in, which is especially important for younger children.
Some disadvantages to having a party at home include having to clean your house twice (before and after the party), possible damage to your house (purple grape juice on white carpet), space limitations (unless you have a big house and big yard), and lack of built-in entertainment (unless you have a big play structure or swimming pool).

Nearby parks are nice because they're usually free or low cost (if you decide to reserve an area) and there's usually a play structure to entertain the kids and some open space for organized games. However, I've experienced two downsides to park locations. One is that it's a pain to haul all the party supplies to the park and the other is that the park can be crowded and you may have trouble finding a space for your party.

One year I had my son's party at a park that did not allow space to be reserved. I checked out the park on a weekday and picked out a couple locations where I wanted to have the party. When I arrived at the park to set-up on Saturday morning, almost every available area and table was already claimed by people for other parties. Fortunately, I found a fine space near the back of the park, but if I'd arrived much later it would have been gone, too. The lesson here is that if you have a party at a park, either reserve a space or send someone early to lay claim to the spot you want.

If you're having an outdoor party, always have a back-up plan in case of poor weather. Try to reserve or stakeout a picnic area with a shelter. When you accept RSVPs be sure to get the guests' phone numbers in case you need to call them with a last minute location change. I think it's too difficult and disappointing to reschedule a party at the last minute, so plan on having the party unless it just won't work.

When deciding where to have a party, consider potential safety issues. Put yourself in baby protection mode and think about ways to make the environment safer. Take special precautions if the party environment includes: stairs, a balcony, high windows, glass doors, chemicals, a pool, or busy streets. Other children can be unpredictable in a new environment, particularly with the excitement of a party. Although your child may know not to lean against a 2nd story window, his/her guests may not.

HOW LONG?

Some people advocate short parties (1-2 hours) to make things easier for the parents and reduce the likelihood that the children will get bored or misbehave.

Short parties are fine for some occasions. My son's end-of-Baseball season party was only an hour and that included lunch. However, the party was right after a 90 minute game, so the kids already had their activity (the baseball game) and socializing time (while waiting for their turns up to bat). All that really needed to be added was refreshments (pizza delivered to the park and salad, drinks, and cake brought by the parents) and the presentation of trophies and goodie bags.
School parties tend to be very short, sometimes only 30 minutes!

However, when you're hosting a party for a holiday, birthday or other occasion, you'll probably want and need more than an hour. Short parties are fine for young children (3 or under), but I find that even two hour parties are too rushed for older children's parties.

By the time you allow time for the guests to straggle in (20 minutes), do some art projects (20-30 minutes), play games (30 minutes or more), have refreshments (20 minutes), open presents (15-20 minutes), and allow time for free play and socializing (20 minutes) you'll exceed 2 hours unless you're going to run the party like a drill sergeant.

I find that 2 1/2 to 3 hours is ideal. Not too rushed with some free time at the end, but not so long that we run out of things to do or the guests become unruly.

WHO & HOW MANY?

In some cases, the guest list is determined by the occasion... the entire class is invited to a school party and the entire team is invited to a sports party.
For parties where you and your child determine the guest list start with the "must invites"... your child's best friends. If you want to invite additional children add the friends your child sometimes plays with.
We do not necessarily invite everyone who has invited my son to their party (payback invitations). My feeling is that kids' friendships can change pretty quickly and someone who was your child's friend last year may not be an important guest for your child anymore. I also believe the present you gave to the child is adequate "payback" for the party your child attended, so you do not necessarily owe the child a party invitation. Ms. Manners probably wouldn't agree, but I'm sure it's not the only thing we don't see eye-to-eye on!

It's generally a good idea to invite a few more kids than you'd ideally like to attend, because a couple children will have conflicts (out of town, music recital, etc.) or be sick the day of the party. This is particularly important if you're planning a small party. If you want to have 4 children at the party, you probably need to invite 6 or you risk having a party that is too small (a play date, instead of a party). If you're inviting 20 kids then it's less important to invite extras, because you'll probably end up with enough children to make it feel like a party.

Even though I like big crowds for parties, I learned my lesson about inviting the whole class. My son's school has a rule that you can only pass out party invitations at school, if you're inviting the entire class. I thought inviting his entire kindergarten class (19 other students) seemed like a good idea.

My son's birthday is in early October and his classroom friendships aren't really cemented yet (he changes his guest list every time I ask him). Plus, I also assumed that many of the kids wouldn't come. I ended up with 26 children that year! Fortunately, the party was outside so we had enough space and I just kept buying more party favors, supplies, and food. However, the energy level was a bit too high, we couldn't have all the children doing the same activities at the same time, and my son wasn't really able to bond with many of the guests (there were some he just said "hi", "thanks" and "bye" to).

I'm just starting to face gender issues with our guest lists. My son has several long term playmates who are girls and he still wants to invite them to his parties. However, he's not making any new girl friends and isn't particularly interested in inviting girls from his class. In the past his parties have been approximately half boys, half girls and I've liked this balance for many reasons. This year, it'll be about 2/3 boys and 1/3 girls and I can see the writing on the wall that this trend toward fewer girls will continue. I'm not happy about it, but I don't plan to fight it and have observed that our older neighbor children only invite same sex children to their parties.

In some cases when you invite a child, you may also be implicitly inviting their parents and siblings. Some parents are perfectly happy to drop their child off at a party, but others can't be pried away from their children. Some parents view any weekend activity, including a party, as a family outing. It's not easy to control this, but you do need to consider it when planning for the party because it determines how many favors and how much food you'll need.

Generally, parents of children 3 or under will plan on staying and you'll be glad they did (you may even want to request it). Parents of older children will usually make the decision to stay or leave once they get to the party and check out the environment, the level of supervision, and how their child is fitting in. I recently took my 7 year old son to a party where there was a trampoline, a busy street, and some kids who aren't particularly nice to my son. I had not planned on staying at this party. In fact, I was really looking forward to 2 hours of free time, but once I evaluated the situation I decided to stay.

The upside to parents staying is that they'll usually help or at least not get in the way (I make it a point to give any parent who stays a job to keep him/her busy!). The downside to siblings staying is that it can really change the dynamics of the party when the siblings are more than a few years younger or older than the party guests. Younger kids slow things down and can get in the way. Older kids win all the games and dominate the younger children. If you really don't want extra guests (parents or siblings) at the party, you'll need to find a tactful way to mention this when you send the invitation or accept the RSVPs.

It would have never occurred to me to invite my son's teachers to his parties, until I saw them at other children's parties. Not only am I'm surprised how many children want to invite their teachers, I'm even more surprised how many teachers actually come (I'd think the last thing they'd want to do is spend their day off with kids!). My son's teachers usually make an appearance at his party (stay for about an hour) and both my son and the other kids think it's totally cool to see the teacher outside school. I'm suspecting this may be something my son will outgrow soon, but as long as he wants to invite his teacher, we will.

WHAT TO DO?

Use the Printable Planning Checklist to help you identify party planning and preparation tasks and schedule. The key things that need to be done, preferably at least 2-3 weeks before the party, are setting the date and time and the party location.

Then get the invitations out at least one week and preferably two weeks prior to the party. Almost everything else can wait until the last minute, if it really needs to.

WHAT ACTIVITIES?

The key components of most parties are activities & games and refreshments. Children can inhale food in a matter of minutes so don't plan much time for refreshments.

A typical two hour party agenda might look like this:
15-20 minutes - greet arrivals, free play and unstructured activities (art table, dart game, etc.)
30-45 minutes - organized games and activities
15-20 minutes - refreshments
20-30 minutes - additional organized games and activities (include time here for present opening if it's a party where the child receives gifts)
15-20 minutes - free play and unstructured activities
A three hour party agenda would allow more time for games & activities, free play, or an entertainer.

Some people avoid having any unplanned time at the party for fear the guest will get bored or unruly. I usually plan on about 15-20 minutes of free time at both the beginning and the end of the party. I've never had any problems with this approach and find that this is often when the kids interact with each other the most.

There seems to be some debate on whether or not to have a child open presents at the party. Some people are concerned that it seems too materialistic or that the birthday child may not show enthusiasm for each gift and a guest's feelings might get hurt. I usually include time for present opening, because I believe most guests want to see their presents opened and it's a logical closing activity for the party.

However, if the party is running way behind schedule, present opening is one of the activities you can skip. Prior to the party I do some silly role playing with my son to remind him how to act gracious regardless of what present he receives. I give him a pair of socks, a box of raisins, or some other odd gift and he has to come up with a good response (these are nice socks and I really needed some, thank you). Also remind your child not to make a big deal out of duplicate presents.

GETTING HELP

Potential helpers include family, friends, neighbors, parents of guests, and paid professionals (entertainers, caterers, etc.). Fortunately, most of us know someone who will do just about anything you need and do it well.
My mom falls into this category and helps with the food prep, arts & crafts, and clean-up. Then there are the people who are only willing or able to do a few specific tasks. For example, the uncle who is a photography buff and can be trusted to get great pictures and not drop the video camera in the swimming pool, but would be a disaster with any other responsibility.
Compare your list of things that need to be done with your list of people who are willing and able to help looking for some obvious matches. An artistic relative may be a good candidate to do face painting. A friend with a mini-van can fetch the balloons. A neighbor who loves to bake can make the cake or cookies.

After I've made all the obvious matches on my list, I look for additional tasks that just about anyone can do. This includes things like making a list of who gives what gift at a birthday party, so my son can write customized thank you notes.

Don't forget to give the party child some responsibilities. She will appreciate the party more if she puts some effort into it. However, these responsibilities should be limited to preparation activities and not things that have to be done during the party, because she should just be able to have a good time. I usually don't make my son clean-up after his Birthday party... after all it is a special day.

You'll have to gauge whether your other children can be good helpers. I know some parents who expect siblings to help a lot, some who just include siblings as "guests" at the party, and others who try to get the siblings out of the way by sending them to a friends house to play.

Some people recommend paying teenagers to help. I'm sure this can work with the right teenager. But so far my experience has been that they are too shy or self-conscious, easily distracted, or just unmotivated.

I put any parents who stay at the party to work. No I'm not a slave driver, but I know I'd rather have something to do than just stand there. I usually put parents in charge of running some of the games and activities and helping to serve refreshments.

SUPPLIES

I don't have much storage area in my house, so I don't have a lot of party supplies on hand. Instead, I usually buy or make what I need for each party.

I am not Martha Stewart. I find that it's not only much easier, but often less expensive, to buy what I need for a party instead of making it. I usually only make things when I can't find what I want in the stores.

I do have some staples that I use for almost every party, so it made sense for me to by and store these items. These include my Polaroid camera (for taking pictures to give to guests), carnival type games (dart board, bean bag toss), muffin pans (cupcakes) and serving trays.

I borrow tables, chairs, ice chests and other things I know friends have.

If you end up with leftovers party supplies (favor bags, decorations, plates & napkins), pack them up into a box and give them to a local women's' shelter. Their children have special occasions, too!

HOW MUCH? $$

A good rule of thumb is $10-$20 per child. However, costs can vary widely depending on what type of party you have. If you have to pay to use a location, hire an entertainer, serve a full meal, and give elaborate prizes and favor bags, the costs can really add up
However, I think it's possible to have a party for as little as $5 per child. I've never achieved this, but I've added up the costs for the bare minimum items (cake, ice-cream, a few low cost favors and decorations) and it's not that expensive. Plus, some of the all-inclusive party destinations (play gyms, McDonald's, etc.) are pretty inexpensive.